Bring It On:
How to Build True Strength Through the Body?
Bring It On:
How to Build True Strength Through the Body
By Miriam Geltman
When I first met Efraim—may his soul rest in a place of love, light, and peace—a martial arts practitioner of aikido, kung fu, and a brown belt in tai chi, he was deeply passionate about applying these insights to interpersonal therapy and human connection.
He often repeated a fundamental law: the victim always attracts the aggressor. If we enter an interaction from a victim mindset, our counterpart is inevitably forced into the role of the aggressor. And vice versa: if we operate from a hidden or overt aggressor position, we are guaranteed to draw in a victim—someone disconnected from their own power, afraid of their shadow, and terrified of coming across as harsh. Yet such a person ends up being harsh anyway, because repressed, unbridled strength inevitably bursts out wherever it can.
As a result, people constantly break down in communication.
Those who have not yet mastered their power, but are learning to steer it, experience massive reactivity. A supposed victim may look or feel passive, but in reality, a victim is never passive.
Even when staying silent from a victim stance, or outwardly maintaining "proper" behavior, internally they are constantly arguing, proving points, defending themselves, and fighting an invisible war.
Alternatively, they snap into open reactivity—snarling, biting, or scratching back, desperate to get the last word in, throw a clever jab, or snap a quick reply just to patch over an internal void with words.
Looking at someone lashing out so aggressively, one might assume a wild, untamed beast is raging inside them. But that is not true strength. Real strength is always manageable, appropriate, and deeply valued by its owner; it is never squandered on trivialities.
Efraim taught what every martial art begins with: before a clash, you always bow to your opponent. This is not mere formality, but a profound expression of respect for the person who triggers your pain and exposes your vulnerabilities.
Your opponent is your ultimate teacher, helping you uncover your blind spots and training you to weather the pressures of life, the world, and any difficult situation.
His core thesis was simple: unless you process strength through the body, mental negotiations simply do not work.
Masters' Schools and the Practice of Push Hands
It is impossible to rewrite ingrained physiological reflexes on your own, which is why this skill must be forged through physical disciplines:
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Tai Chi Chuan and Tui Shou (Push Hands): Originally a paired exercise for developing balance and sensitivity to momentum. In a therapeutic context, it profoundly transforms the psyche. When someone faces personal pressure—such as a partner's manipulation or a parent's aggression—their nervous system panics. Familiar default scripts take over: flight/avoidance (swallowing words to your own detriment), devaluation, or trying to fix/reform the other person. All of these arise because the body simply does not know how to hold another person's mass. In push hands, partners press forearms together, and the strict rule is: no tension, no pushing back with brute force, and no pulling away. The body learns to relax right at the point of contact, let an incoming force pass straight through, ground it down into the soles of the feet, stay in discomfort without a rush of adrenaline, and respect the opponent's momentum—instantly losing balance the moment a hint of ego creeps in.
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Qigong (Standing Like a Tree / Zhan Zhuang): A deep static practice where, as the muscles begin to burn and inner panic or the urge to bail arises, you use the breath to hold your ground in absolute stillness without dumping adrenaline into the bloodstream.
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Internal Martial Arts (Wing Chun, Aikido): Disciplines focused on structure, centerlines, and merging with an aggressive impulse to maintain ice-cold composure.
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Kyudo (Japanese Archery): A traditional discipline where absolute attention is given to posture, breathing, and inner stillness at the moment of drawing the bowstring, stripping away all agitation.
Claimed Strength and Graceful Disengagement
The spirit of true strength never inhabits a weak body—first, you must build a clean structural container capable of holding that resource.
Integrating this skill into the body frees a person from the need to devalue anyone or prove they are right.
When faced with bullying, pressure, or arrogance, they no longer get dragged into dirty fights. Instead, they calmly draw a hard line:
"I am not discussing this anymore."
"I will not accept being spoken to with disrespect or raised voices."
"If we can communicate respectfully, I am here. If not, I am stepping out of this interaction."
This is neither defense nor attack. It is putting up a toll gate, leaving the space open only to those who are willing to walk beside you as equals.
(This photo of me was taken in December 2018, a couple of weeks before Efraim and I got married.
Back then, I used to practice static postures, Tai Chi almost every day—this was right before my practice)
23.07.2026